


The Night We Met (Halloween Special!)

by itsactuallydeastiel



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Coming Out, First Kiss, Halloween, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsactuallydeastiel/pseuds/itsactuallydeastiel
Summary: Evan Hansen is forced to attend a Halloween party, where he finds himself drunk and ditched by his friend. Just as he thinks the evening will be a great failure, he meets a stranger in a costume who seems to understand him more than anyone else.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	The Night We Met (Halloween Special!)

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” Connor hissed at his sister, his eyes fixated on her concentrated expression. Her brows were delicately furrowed and her tongue stuck out ever-so-slightly from between her white teeth. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, which made her lips twitch as she broke into a cocky smile. 

Zoe straightened her back, looking at her brother’s face from enough distance to judge her own work. Connor made an annoyed expression, which caused her to burst out laughing. 

“You already have the attitude down, nice!” she commented jokingly, unwilling to engage in a conflict that would arise between the two. The boy leaned to the right, trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the gigantic mirror that stood in the corner of Zoe’s room. As soon as he saw his own reflection, he sighed heavily.

“I look like a damn cat,” he observed, his stare filled with hatred. “That’s what you’ve been working on for the last hour? You’re either doing it to piss me off, or you seriously lack any artistic skills.” He huffed with frustration. 

Zoe turned to him and gasped dramatically. 

“Your words hurt me!” she exclaimed, grasping at the red material on her chest. Connor hid his face in his palms as he tried to drown out his sister’s laughter. However, as soon as she realized he could be smearing away her hard work, she scolded him. “Don’t do that! You’ll mess it up.”

“For the love of all that is holy, please, don’t make me go out like this...” he pleaded, once again catching a glimpse of his reflection. “If I wasn’t enough of the school’s laughing stock, after this, I will be. It’s literally a social suicide!”

Truth be told, Connor Murphy couldn’t care less about his own image at school. It was already tainted after the famous printer incident, something that would follow him until the end of high school or possibly even beyond that. It was such a great story, only if you weren’t the one involved. Yet, the last thing he needed was being laughed off in his ridiculous attire. He looked at the furry tail that was attached to his belt and felt a wave of anger rushing through him. He tightened his fist and took in a shaky breath. He tried to talk himself out of giving into his ridiculous rage, desperately attempting to remain somewhat logical. Although the aggression was something that was built into him, he was slowly managing to regain control of his own body and train of thoughts. 

“That is why I was generous enough to include this with your costume!” Connor felt something light fall on his lap. With curiosity he opened one of his eyes and glanced down. After realizing what the object that his sister tossed him was, he groaned, however this time it was closer to a murmur than an actual sound of disapproval. Because, as much as he didn’t want to, he smiled at the ridiculous mask. “Try it on!” his sister encouraged him. The smile that cracked his previously frustrated expression remained on his lips as he put on the disguise. He doubted it would do much, especially since his hairstyle was so recognizable, at least according to idiots like Jared Kleinman. Yet, it covered the upper part of his face enough to make it difficult to attach a name to him. His smile grew wider as he realized it was going to be dark anyway. Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad after all. 

“It’s, uh, decent.” He commented finally, seeing his sister wait for his verdict with her arms crossed at her chest. He took off the mask and rotated it in his hands, looking at it with a hint of amusement.

“You should be more thankful, I could have been way more cruel!” she noticed, visibly annoyed by his lack of reaction. “Now, let’s not forget who is the boss here.” She added, clearly proud of herself. 

Connor averted his gaze, scolding himself in his mind for not being more sneaky with his stash of weed. At least sneaky enough for Zoe never to find them in the first place. However, he had to make peace with being her little minion. He had to admit that being dragged to a Halloween party was not as bad as other possible ideas she could come up with. He was actually quite intrigued by her wish, thinking how bizarre it was of her to ask for something so trivial. However, he didn’t want to argue with that. The only actual downside to it was that he had to remain sober throughout the party to drive them back home. He already shivered at the thought of a mass of drunk teenagers doing all the stupid stuff he’d do if he was under the influence. 

“You look absolutely adorable!” he quickly turned his head to see Cynthia leaning on the door frame, looking at both of her children lovingly. Zoe grinned back at her. “Oh my goodness, I may cry a little,” she added, already wiping away tears forming in her eyes. Connor’s sister quickly walked over to the door to hug her mother. “I’m sorry!” the woman exclaimed as soon as her daughter let go of her. “It just brings back so many memories…”

Connor rolled his eyes discreetly enough for his mother not to notice. Even if he thought she was being irrational, he wasn’t about to ruin that moment for her, he knew perfectly well how much she needed it. Even though his relationship with Zoe was far from what it used to be, there was no harm in humouring her for one night. 

~*~

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” Evan murmured, looking at Jared who was currently checking himself out in the mirror in the hallway. This way one of the times he was glad his mother worked so much. At least she wouldn’t be able to team up with Kleinman against him and pressure him into putting on a costume. 

“Dude, I’m literally just taking you to a party,” Jared commented, finally looking at Hansen with his uncovered eye. “Even though I don’t understand why you won’t put anything on. As you can see-” he spun around, presenting his pirate attire in all of its glory. “-I’m not trying to humiliate you. You will stand out more without any costume on.”

“I have a costume,” Evan snapped back, growing more irritated with every word that left Jared’s lips. “I’m dressed as the guy who clearly doesn’t want to be outside of his house.”

Kleinman laughed delicately. 

“I don’t understand your logic. You say you don’t want to bring any attention to yourself, yet refuse to do something to blend in better.”

Evan sighed and massaged his temples. 

“Are you seriously interested in my thought process?”

“Shoot.”

“Well…” Evan began, trying to collect his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “It’s better not to dress up as anything than it is to risk putting on something unacceptable. Choosing a costume is too much of a struggle. This one is too childish, that one is too obvious, the other one is not innovative at all…”

Jared looked completely unconvinced. 

“You are overthinking this.” He sighed, which caused Evan to smile grimly. 

“Tell me something I don’t know…” he whispered under his breath in response, carefully observing oblivious Kleinman. 

“Okay, let’s get going!” Jared exclaimed excitedly.

Evan felt all of the colors drain from his already sickly pale face. Yet, with a heavy heart, he followed his friend to the vehicle, secretly hoping they would find themselves in a car accident that would finally claim his life and free him from the trivial worries of a teenage human being.

~*~

Evan started regretting all of the alcohol he was talked into drinking by his friend. He felt hot, unstable, dizzy, and sleepy. He knew well he would hate himself for getting intoxicated, yet, as he found out, peer pressure was a real phenomenon. 

He also hoped that maybe alcohol would numb him to his anxieties, because being in a crowded room with a bunch of people he didn’t know was his worst nightmare, something he wouldn’t be able to endure while sober. It was a grave mistake, because he was very aware of what he was doing, but his social inhibitions were lost. 

It was too much, he had to get out. He had to leave. 

His legs wouldn’t cooperate, which made him unable to walk in a straight line. Yet, the sight of the glass door leading to the backyard motivated him. Just a few more steps. Just a few apologies thrown in for all the people he would stumble on. Just a few more breaths of the heavy and hot air and he would be free. 

He opened the door, cold air hitting him in the face so hard, he found himself stumble backwards. After the initial shock, the sudden drop in the temperature left him feeling refreshed. He closed the door and leaned on them for a moment, trying to regain his balance and take in the wonderfulness of the wintry breeze caressing his hot cheeks. 

“Someone had too much to drink, eh?” he heard a voice coming from his left, which startled him and made him turn his head immediately to face a person who seemed to be particularly amused by his state. Unfortunately, under the wolf mask could be anyone. 

~*~

Connor looked at the kid who just left the party. Normally, he wouldn’t bother, however he was quite intrigued by the stranger. He had no costume on and looked out of it. Chances were he wouldn’t even remember the conversation, so for the sake of killing time, he threw in the comment. 

“I’m not-” Connor smirked, perfectly aware of what the stranger was about to say. The boy, too, read his expression flawlessly and shut his mouth before finishing the sentence. He took in a deep breath. “Okay, you got me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m the last person to judge you.” Murphy said as he sat down on the grass and patted the spot next to himself. The kid walked over on weak legs and quite literally fell next to him. “So, who are you?”

He couldn’t recognize the face he was looking at. Yet, there was something familiar about his entire demeanor. Maybe they passed each other in the corridor a few times. Connor only hoped the stranger was too drunk to connect the dots and identify him. 

“Um, Evan.” He said as he exhaled heavily. Murphy thought for a moment, trying to scan his brain for any Evans, but unfortunately, he found nothing. Maybe it was better that way. “It’s okay, I’m pretty sure no one is familiar with me.” The boy said as he saw Connor’s concentrated expression. “Well, except Jared…” he trailed off, looking into the distance. 

“Oh, you’re _that_ guy.” Connor said, even though he didn’t mean to speak his thoughts out loud. He did remember a nervous kid that would sometimes follow Kleinman around the school. He was pleased to discover Evan actually had a voice and was capable of talking. 

“Who are _you_?” Evan asked innocently, not aware of how scared Murphy was. He dreaded the moment the question would be asked. He should have stayed silent, it’s only natural a person would want to know who they’re talking to. 

“A wolf, can’t you see?” he asked, smiling unsurely. Evan laughed delicately in response. “Do you want a cigarette?” he smoothly carried on. 

“Uh…” Evan hesitated. “You know what? Sure. I’m disappointing my mother as is, so it won’t hurt.”

Connor smiled as he handed the boy a cigarette and a lighter. He looked at him with a great interest, waiting for him to inhale and have his first, priceless reaction. 

He was not disappointed. Evan started coughing violently, the smoke leaving his mouth in short, uneven exhales. He finally straightened up and took in a breath, feeling like all oxygen left his lungs over the few seconds. He quickly wiped the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

“So, how is it?” Connor asked casually, looking at the boy with an amused expression. 

“I can already feel the cancer setting in.” He replied quietly, mustering a weak smile. Murphy laughed and reached out his hand. 

“Let me finish it for you, then.” He said. Evan quietly handed him the cigarette. 

“God, what is the appeal of cigarettes anyway?” the boy asked, confused. It burned his lungs, it made him choke, it smelled terribly, there were no positives to it. Yet, the _wolf_ looked like he enjoyed every single inhale. 

Connor looked at his cigarette, looking for an answer. 

“I have no fucking idea,” he admitted finally. “I guess it feels good once your lungs are as messed up as mine.”

“When did you start, then? When you were, like, 10?”

“14, actually,” Connor clarified. “A pretty recent habit, I guess. I stole some from my dad, because that’s how edgy I was.” He smiled delicately. It felt so freeing. He could finally talk to someone without worrying about being judged. The anonymity gave him a chance to hold up a conversation without the paranoia that remained in the back of his mind at all times. 

“Oh,” Evan nodded. “It’s surprising, especially since you’re probably the only sober person I’ve encountered at this party.” He added after a moment, hoping the implied question was subtle enough to not seem too nosy. He didn’t want to admit how interesting he found his conversation partner. Hansen narrowed his brows, trying to wrap his head around the strangest feeling that overwhelmed him. The other boy seemed so familiar, yet so distant at the same time. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that whoever was under that mask, it must have been someone he knew. Or at least someone he knew _of_.

Connor took out the car keys out of one of his pockets and spun them around his index finger. 

“Ah, the wonders of being the driver!” he chuckled as he shoved the item back into the safe place, paranoid about losing them. “Which reminds me… Why did you have that much to drink? You don’t strike me as an alcoholic.” 

Evan shrugged. 

“I don’t know.” He replied simply, avoiding looking into the wolf’s eyes. 

“C’mon, Evan. We both know that’s just a bunch of bullshit.” Connor insisted, half jokingly. 

“Okay, okay…” the boy finally agreed and took in a deep breath. “It’s kind of difficult to avoid it, you know? I mean, I was dragged here by Jared, talked into drinking too much, and then, well…” he looked off to the side, feeling the blush creeping on his cheeks. “I was ditched. So here I am, drunk, talking to God knows who, hoping that by morning I will forget about this entire evening.”

“Kleinman is a dick.” Murphy murmured. Evan replied with a delicate laugh. 

“I mean, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the most fun person to be around.” 

“Bullshit.” Connor replied before he managed to bite his tongue. When did he get so sappy? It was the last thing he wanted to say out loud, but seeing the boy’s self-loathing attitude, he felt the need to say _something_. “I-I mean…” he scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do with his hands. “You’ve seen others,” he cleared his throat and gestured in the direction of the house. “You wouldn’t be able to talk to any of them. They’re either too drunk to speak, or simply brain dead as a baseline.”

“I don’t know…” Evan remained unconvinced. “I’d like to fit in with them.”

Connor raised a brow. 

“Why wouldn’t you?” he said. “I mean, you’re… Normal.” The last word left Murphy’s lips with a bitter undertone. _Normal_. An adjective he both hated and idealized. He loathed ‘normal’ people, yet he understood that wish to be like them at the same time. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he didn’t care, he acknowledged how easy it would be to survive if he wasn’t the social outcast. 

“Are you joking? I’m socially awkward, self-conscious, and just weird.” Evan explained. “I am the perfect target for bullying.”

“I don’t think these assholes really need a reason to bully someone,” Connor explained grimly. “It could be as simple as you being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You shouldn’t try finding the reason for all of this shit. Blaming yourself isn’t going to fix anything.”

Evan looked at the other boy with wide eyes and slightly parted lips. Somehow, that stranger tackled his insecurities immediately, without even trying too hard. He felt like for the first time he was seen and he was heard. He spent years wondering whether someone would ever be able to understand him and his struggle, and there he was, that teenager in ridiculous wolf outfit, the last person he would expect. 

Murphy cleared his throat seeing that innocent expression.

“I guess you’re right.” Evan said slowly, trying to remind himself of how to interact with others. “It’s not that easy, though. How often do you get to say ‘It’s not me, it’s them’ before it stops being the truth and becomes an outright denial?”

“In high school? You get an infinite pass.” Connor elbowed the boy, hoping to loosen the atmosphere between them. He exhaled with relief when he heard that distinctive chuckle. 

“God, I literally made you my therapist.” The other boy commented with disbelief. 

“Should I start charging you?” Murphy joked. 

“Please, don’t, I’m broke.”

“Dude, what makes you think _I’m_ not?” 

They burst out laughing. 

Evan glanced at the teenager again, desperate to find a clue as to who he was talking to. He didn’t want this to end as soon as one of them had to leave. It was the first time he felt so comfortable around another person and just thinking that it was temporary scared him. Yet, the mask proved to be a good disguise, in fact, good enough to leave him frustrated. Why did it feel like the answer was so close?

“If you’re seriously not going to charge me, then can I be honest with you?” Hansen asked, feeling like he had to take this chance to be open and let out what has been bothering him for a long while now. 

Connor looked back at Evan, who was playing with the hem of his shirt, his shaking fingers gripping and stretching the material so hard, Murphy almost expected it to rip. His jaw was clenched and his cheeks appeared redder with every second. In the faint glow of street lights his eyes seemed to be sparkling with tears he so desperately held back. 

Connor shouldn’t care. He shouldn’t even be talking to that boy, yet there he was, sitting next to him, completely clueless as how to behave. It’s been so long since he interacted with another person he didn’t know, that he felt as if he forgot any possible boundaries. He knew it wasn’t normal, or it wasn’t normal _for him,_ to be affected by a stranger’s mood, but there was something about the way Evan barely holding everything together that made his heart drop. 

“Sure.” He managed to blurt out. Evan glanced at him anxiously. 

“Will you…” Hansen stopped for a moment, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “Will you keep that to yourself?” he finally finished, although he couldn’t prevent the slightest tremble at the end of his sentence. 

Connor smiled bitterly, earning him a suspicious look from the other boy. 

“Believe me, I don’t have anyone to share _anything_ with.” Although he tried to keep his tone light, there was a dark undertone Evan picked up on. Murphy cleared his throat, averting his eyes. There was this foreign understanding created between them that made them able to communicate without using words. Connor knew what he meant, so did Evan. 

“Well…” the shorter boy closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, a deep line forming between his eyebrows. He was thinking about something intensely, which made Murphy curious. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About myself. There are some things that I feel… That are so weird and I don’t under-” he halted and opened his eyes. He looked up at the night sky and swallowed loudly. “That are so weird and I don’t _want to_ understand them.”

Connor hummed in response, speechless. Not because of his lack of understanding, quite the contrary; because he understood _perfectly_ what Evan was talking about. 

Evan hid his face in his palms, feeling his face and chest burning up as a wave of heat crashed over him. His eyes kept watering, threatening to release tears, yet he was able to control them enough not to start crying. He didn’t want to give into his emotions so easily. Turning into a sobbing mess would make the confession so much harder than it could be. As he felt a warm hand delicately touching his shoulder, he raised his head and looked up at Connor, who was looking away, but his palm remained in place and he felt it shake as it squeezed assuringly. He smiled delicately to himself. 

“To put it simply, I guess I like boys.” He finally said, his tone so calm it surprised even him. He spent so many hours agonizing over that discovery, yet alcohol seemed to add him a little bit of courage that he needed to admit it so casually. “I mean, I guess?” he hesitated. “I’ve never been with a guy. Then again, I’ve never been with a girl either, but I know I like them too. God, it’s all so confusing.”

Connor chuckled and slowly took his hand back, as he felt that affection wasn’t needed anymore. Evan smiled too, although he wasn’t sure what the slight laughter meant. Normally he would become paranoid that he just came out to a homophobe, but something told him that the unknown boy wasn’t one. It felt _so_ good to feel this secure. 

“It’s not really,” Murphy finally replied, still smiling delicately. “I mean, at first it is, but soon enough it will feel better and you’ll look back at these doubts and laugh at yourself. It seems so big at the moment, but in reality, it’s not. Trust me, I know.”

Evan hesitated. 

“I mean, are you-”

“I’m gay as hell.” Connor replied before Hansen could finish his question. “Welcome to the club. I mean, you're halfway there, so I'm not sure whether I can give you an official membership card.”

Evan broke into a relieved smile. He feared coming out would be a stressful situation, yet there they were, so casual about this. It already felt as if he was overreacting. 

“Huh,” the boy thought for a moment. “To be honest with you, I expected to be the only person like this, at least in this school.”

“Seriously? Nice, I thought in my case it was obvious.” 

“What do you mean?”

Connor laughed. 

“I mean, truth be told, seems like no one picked up on it… Otherwise the entire school would know.” He murmured to himself. 

“I guess,” Evan agreed. “Wouldn’t you like to be the school’s celebrity, though?” he joked after a moment. 

“Hell. No.” Murphy replied. 

“Me neither.” 

~*~

Evan’s logic seemed to leave him as soon as he found himself carrying another plastic cup full of alcohol of an unknown origin. He swore up and down he wouldn’t continue to drink for the rest of the night, but the evening seemed to be getting longer and longer, while Jared was nowhere to be found. His companion didn’t seem to mind either, he looked exceptionally amused with every sip Evan would take. Hansen would jokingly claim he was drinking for the both of them, as Connor had to settle for cigarettes only. 

They sat on the cold ground, observing the empty street ahead of them. Occasionally a car would pass, but it seemed like the majority of people already slept. Evan glanced at his phone and was surprised to see it was already past midnight. Time spent with Connor seemed to pass quicker, which was both a pleasant feeling, but it also worried him, as he didn’t want their conversation to end. 

Evan felt a wave of exhaustion pass through him and involuntarily let his head fall on the other boy’s shoulder. Yet, to his surprise, the stranger let it rest there without a word. 

“I don’t understand…” Hansen began after battling his thoughts for a moment. “I thought people like you didn’t exist.”

“People like me?” Connor repeated, surprised.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re nice and funny and just cool. It’s almost weird how you were sitting here alone before I came here.” He admitted. “I thought no one like you would ever talk to me, let alone spend an entire party with me.”

“You give yourself too little credit, Evan.” Murphy patted the boy’s arm. 

That closeness felt more intoxicating than any drink Hansen could get his hands on. Being able to relax that way and just enjoy someone else’s company was like a new drug that he wanted more of. That unknown sensation left him feeling addicted. 

He couldn’t help but think this was different. He had friends; well, a _friend_ , but he knew how it felt to have that connection with someone, therefore he knew this was different. It felt like something more than pure friendship, there was this tension, a kind that wasn’t uncomfortable, but something that pulled on Evan like a gravity, a gravity centered around Connor. He could only hope the boy felt the same way. 

The silence that fell between them didn’t feel awkward, it felt soothing. Evan found himself drifting into his own thoughts, however this time he wasn’t afraid of letting his anxieties take over, because they were gone. He still couldn’t decide whether the alcohol had that effect on him, or maybe the boy he found himself leaning on was somehow _special_. 

Curiosity took over him and he looked up at the boy, frowning a little bit. The mask hid his face pretty well, but there were parts of it that could be noticed. He agonized over not knowing who that stranger was. He could only notice several things, but they weren’t any actual clues. 

He had longer hair that fell on his face, making it even more difficult to make out any features. He could see a fairly pronounced jawline, straight nose and chapped lips, tinted slightly by the smoke from the cigarettes. He could see something shining between the strands of his hair in the place where his ears should be. 

Before he could think it through, he raised his head and tucked the boy’s hair behind his ear. He smiled with satisfaction when he realized his assumption about the stranger having his ears pierced in multiple spots was correct. The silver jewelry reflected the few lights that could be found around them. 

Connor flinched at the sudden contact and turned to look at Evan, whose face was dangerously close to his own. He leaned back a little, looking back at Hansen. The boy’s expression was difficult to read. There was a spark of interest, which made Murphy blush involuntarily. 

“W-what are you looking at?” he asked, shifting awkwardly. Evan’s eyes were concentrated on him, which made him feel naked and exposed. It made him uncomfortable, but also curious. He couldn’t help but wonder why that boy would look at him that way. He wished he could see into his head, because that gaze could mean anything.

Evan looked him in the eyes. That made him feel paralyzed with an unknown emotion. The intensity of the stare seemed hypnotizing. He wanted to break that eye contact, but found himself unable to. 

“At you.” Hansen replied casually, completely oblivious to the mess he was creating in Murphy’s mind. “I like your piercings.” He added after a moment. 

Connor couldn’t help but raise his hand to touch his ear. He played with the rings delicately, finally looking away. He felt heat creeping on his cheeks, yet again. 

_‘God, what is he doing to me?’_ he kept asking himself, but couldn’t find the answer. Or, much rather, didn’t want to, because deep down he knew perfectly well. Ignoring these conflicting feelings was much better than actually facing them. All in all, this night would pass and they wouldn’t talk to each other ever again. Evan would forget him by morning, and whatever that tension between them was, would cease to exist. 

Evan couldn’t stop himself from looking at the boy, as if he was under a spell. His eyes were drifting across his face, trying to catch every small detail. He had no idea who he was talking to, but he had to admit that even that face that was covered halfway, was attractive. He could still see his eyes, which seemed to be pulling him closer. They were almost completely covered by the shadow cast by the boy’s disguise, but there was the smallest reflection of the light in them. 

Connor noticed Hansen was slowly getting closer to him, but his body refused to move. In the back of his head he knew it was that awful curiosity that kept him in place. He _wanted_ to know how far Evan would take it. When he would stop, how close was too close. 

Hansen felt an impulse. A thought crossed his mind and in a drunken state he gave into it. He was so tired of holding back and refusing to do something, something that he wanted to do ever since he met the boy. 

The quietest noise of surprise left Connor’s mouth when Evan closed the distance between them and placed a kiss on the boy’s lips. Murphy sat there, on the grass, completely unable to move. The shock paralyzed him. The thoughts in his mind became impossible to understand, because everything was happening so quickly. He was painfully aware of the coldness of the ground and the heat radiating from Hansen’s face. He inhaled sharply when the boy delicately grabbed at the back of his head, pulling him even closer. 

He let him. 

He hated himself for it. He shouldn’t be letting it happen. He was the sober one, so he should be the more rational one. He was responsible for his intoxicated companion, he was supposed to stop him from doing things like this, things that Evan would hate himself for doing. This was the perfect example of making a mistake while drunk, but he did nothing to stop him. 

Evan deepened the kiss, as if to assure Connor that he wanted to do it. The sensation, the warmth, all of these feelings seemed to slowly make his mind go blank. The logic was gone. There was only him and Evan. 

He kissed back. Somehow, he knew he would hate himself even more for that, but that feeling was too good to let it pass. The pressure, the warmth, everything that the kiss had to offer was a mixture of positive sensations. 

He felt Evan smile delicately, as he bit Connor’s lip. He caught himself wondering how they just knew what to do, although they had no right to. As if their instincts took over in that very moment. It felt so natural. Like it was meant to be. 

After a moment Hansen gathered the will to break the kiss, even though he didn’t want it to end. Yet, doubts started appearing in his mind. He feared the boy would hate him for doing that. He feared he would think less of him for kissing a stranger. The anxieties were clouding his brain. 

Connor took in a deep breath, afraid of the conversation they were about to have. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled the only words that could come into his mind. 

“What?” Evan asked, cocking his head to the side. “No, _I’m_ sorry! God, it was so stupid of me…” he added, hiding his face in his hands. He wanted to disappear. 

“It’s okay…” Connor said slowly, making Hansen raise his head and look at him from between his fingers. “I mean, in the state that you’re in you would kiss _anyone_.” He justified, although it was meant to convince himself, not Evan. 

_‘What?’_ Evan thought to himself, looking at the boy with puzzled expression. Did he seriously think that? Truth be told, if he wanted to, he could explain it with being intoxicated, but he knew there was somewhere there. He desperately wanted to know if the other teenager felt that too. 

“N-no!” he exclaimed, which caused Connor to look back at him. “I just… I don’t know, I never felt the way I feel with you. Of course, that doesn’t make it okay, but… I guess alcohol gave me the courage, not the urge.” he explained, trying to remain calm. He looked at the boy with hopeful eyes. 

“I know you feel this way, but…” Murphy hesitated. “If you’ll remember it, you’ll hate yourself for doing that. Trust me, it’s all just a side effect of being drunk.” He smiled awkwardly. He was convinced that that was what was going on between them. Yet, Evan’s expression made him wonder whether he was right. Because nobody else would look at him the way he did. 

“No, you don’t get it,” Evan said, his tone more confident this time. “I _like_ you, okay?” he ignored the heat that was burning up his cheeks. 

“You don’t even know who I am!” Connor snapped back. He didn’t mean to be this aggressive, but the frustration took over him. 

“I don’t care!” Evan replied with the same tone. It angered him. He knew that no matter who was under that mask, it wouldn’t change the way he felt. 

The other boy bit his lip in frustration and with a shaking hand removed the disguise, still looking at Evan. Hansen’s expression became confused, surprised, puzzled. Connor smiled bitterly. 

Evan sat there, but he felt nothing but confusion. He was face to face with Connor Murphy, someone he was afraid of, someone he tried to avoid, someone who was meant to be unable to befriend anyone. The picture his school painted of him crashed with his actual self. How was that even possible? How could someone be _this_ misunderstood?

The way Hansen saw him was a lot more human. Murphy wasn’t that terrible monster everyone thought he was. He was someone as lost as him, someone who just needed anyone who would listen. It made him frustrated. He also believed these lies. Now he was eye to eye with someone so different. Someone kind. Someone funny. Someone cute. Someone who made him feel these damned butterflies in his stomach that everyone talked about. 

The ringtone brought Evan back to earth. Connor quickly answered the call, looking away from the other boy. 

“Hello?” he growled. 

“Connor, I need to go home…” hearing Zoe slurring her words immediately softened his expression and demeanor. “I’m sorry, I had too much to drink and I just _need_ to go to bed.”

“Sure, I understand,” he replied, feeling kind of worried about his sister. “Just meet me by the car, I’ll be there in a moment.” He ordered. “Oh, and try not to throw up on the car or yourself. I’m not going to clean up your mess.” He grinned as he heard the girl sigh dramatically. She ended the call without replying, which made Connor chuckle. Yet, as soon as he saw Evan, his smile disappeared. 

“Well, this is the end of this,” he said, trying to sound casual, but he felt like he was hollow, which could be heard in his tone. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.” He hissed through his teeth. He felt frustrated, kissing Evan was probably the worst decision of his life. 

“W-wait!” Hansen caught Murphy’s wrist and held on to it, making the boy stop and look back at him with a difficult to interpret expression. He looked angry, but also… hopeful? “ _I don’t care,_ ” he assured once again, trying to make it sound serious enough to reach Connor. “I seriously don’t.” He added seeing that the boy still didn’t look convinced. “Sure, others maybe would be concerned about who you are, but I’m not. I don’t mind being excluded even more than I already am. Somehow I know that whatever is between us is worth it. Don’t push me away like that…” the last sentence was noticeably quieter. He felt awful for pleading that way, but he didn’t want it to end. 

Connor stood there, trying to register the words that just left Evan’s lips. Something about the way he looked at him was full of sincerity, so he groaned with frustration and rolled his eyes. 

“Fine,” he replied finally, crossing his arms on his chest. “If you’ll still feel this way by Monday, I guess I will have to give you a chance.” He couldn’t help but smile delicately at the words. 

Evan smiled too and nodded quickly. 

“I’ll make sure you won’t regret it!” Evan exclaimed as Murphy turned away from him and started making his way to the house. 

“Yeah, yeah…” Connor replied, not looking back. There was still that intrusive thought in his head that Hansen will either forget or regret this evening. 

Evan, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to prove him wrong.


End file.
